Issue 390

On the Record

Go
Jónsi

So, what can be expected from the first solo album by the Sigur Ros frontman? The Icelandic combo has made a career out of lengthy atmospheric pieces held together by the sprawling, otherworldly vocals of Jónsi—often sung in a language all his own. Instead of going bigger on Go, he cuts to the chase. Here, we have a collection of nine pop songs that embrace the whimsical side of his musical nature. It’s aided by the shorter pieces—a lot of the best Sigur Ros tunes clock in around 10 minutes—which don’t confine Jónsi as much as compress the ideas. That makes the music somewhat more accessible (e.g., opener “Go Do”), though a piece like the circular “Tornado” probably isn’t going to end up on a pop station anytime soon. No matter the stylistic changes, the ear keeps coming back to the singer’s soaring falsetto vocals, which cut through the musical backdrops like something from a world far away. Read the rest of this entry »

Isn’t Fashion Fun

Calhoun, Harriet, Isles…
Find a place to chill with friends.  Soak in the rays. Celebrate the season.

This month we mixed the accessories from the men’s area and the women’s area. Why? At the end of the day, let your personal style drive what you wear and not the location of an item in any store. We call this: His + Hers = Mine!

To start your day, cue the music. Ocean Drive is relaxed enough to keep you stretched out by the shore. And the Latin influence makes this one hot disc. ($19.98)

Sunglasses with great style, UV protection, and just enough tint to let you catch a look at a hottie passing by are the way to go. At STYLEDLIFE, we keep our glasses value-priced allowing you to change them out for your different looks while not kicking yourself too hard if you lose a pair. ($38.00)

This is the season to forget about time. But when you just need to know, a watch from Italian designer ION keeps up with the summer trend of color. Try out a few at the same time. Set one on your local time and maybe the others to time zones in your favorite destinations. ($28.00)

To pack it all up at the end of the day, a light-weight nylon messenger bag from J. FOLD keeps time with a strong nod to the vibe of the season. With an adjustable strap, you can keep it close to the body when you hop on your bike. ($148.00)

As you head from the lakes to other destinations, your feet will like the freedom of the Y3 slide from Yohji Yamamoto and Adidas. With a contoured foot-bed, this slide stands apart from the rest in look and comfort. ($125.00)

As the cool of the evening sets in, keep a light-weight scarf handy. Simply wrapped around the neck, it will be an easy, stylish way to stay comfortable. ($58.00)

So there you have it, a fresh new look for spring. All this with you in mind. If you want individual attention on crafting your look for the season, call the wardrobe experts at styledlook and book your complimentary 30 minute appointment today. Allison, Kevin and Tim can be reached at 952.928.888.

Beach Boy Jockey

Photography by Mike Hnida, Lavender Studios
Hair & Makeup by Jim Halvorson, Euphoria Salon
Clothing provided by N2N Bodywear
Model: Jim Halvorson
Shot on location at Ro&Me

Special thanks to the following:
Abby Duncanson and her horse Broadway Boogie

Romy Ackerberg at Ro&Me
3750 Meridian Ave. S., Montrose, 763-675-2222

Read the rest of this entry »

The Big Stew

You think cooking from a recipe is tough? Just imagine yourself filming a recipe. That’s what I do. When I cook I am the director of my own menus. And Sweetie-Baby, I’ve made everything from appetizers such as Four Weddings and a Fondue to big-budge entrees such as 007 in Golden Giblet. I even made the classic Star Wok: the Mu Shu Strike Back.

So when I signed on to do a stew flick for a potluck with MGM (Mouth-wateringly Good Meals), I thought “piece of cake.” After all, I’m the menu director who gave the world Ace Burgoo, Meat Detective.

What a disaster this project has been.

And going in I thought we had the makings of a classic stew. I mean, we had all the ingredients.

Great character actors such as Mr. Potato Head, “Cry Baby” Onion, and the comedy team of Peas and Carrots.

And in a starring role, one of the greatest actors to ever hit the skillet: Mr. Chuck Roast himself.

So what happened?
I’ll tell you what happened—ego.

First off, Mr. Potato Head starts complaining: “I just don’t feel this part in meaty enough for me.”

I give him a look: “Whatcha mean it’s not meaty enough for you, you ungrateful tuber. You’re a potato. Now start acting like the lousy starch you are.”

But no sooner have I finished with Mr. Potato than “Cry Baby” Onion comes in to really cry me a river: “I’m just not feeling tangy enough for this stew project.”
“Oh yeah,” I say. “Well, try peeling yourself down to where you do feel tangy or your next role will be dip.”

And if that’s not enough, Peas and Carrots are up next. Saying they want bigger parts.

“Bigger parts,” I scream. “You’re filler! You’d have to be a rabbit to want more Peas and Carrots! And the only rabbits around my stew are in the stew—now, get outta here!”

Let me tell you something, it’s not pretty watching your vegetables go bad on you.

Just as I’m thinking I got it under control, things really go crazy. The entire Exciting Blend of Herbs and Spices comes in to say their billing ain’t big enough.

“Guys,” I say, “you’re seasoning. Watcha think, a waiter is gonna come in and say, ‘Folks, the fleshly ground pepper is looking mighty tasty today!’ Or how about, ‘Would Madame like to try the specialty of the house—a zesty mound of raw chili powder?’”

Then, I get that settled and catastrophe strikes.

Chuck Roast comes in and says, “I just don’t think this part is capturing my true flavor.”

“Chuckie, baby,” I say, “You’re still the Big Beef in my Wellington, but a stew is ensemble acting. Ya gotta blend.”

Well, lemme tell ya, I’m practically on my knees begging that miserable cowburger to finish the picture. It’s demeaning. You don’t think so? Try pleading with your meatloaf sometime to be a little juicier.

Well, finally, Chuck says, “OK, I’ll finish your crummy picture, but they don’t make a stew big enough for Chuck Roast to pour out the gravy.”

OK, I’ve got revolting vegetables, sulky seasoning and a slab of beef who thinks he’s Filet of Hanks. Now I gotta actually make the stew.

What a nightmare. Believe me, if you think working with actors is difficult, try cooking them.

There were days when the only one coming to a slow boil was me. If it wasn’t Peas and Carrots deliberately sticking to the bottom of the pan, it was “Cry Baby” Onion whining that his contract calls for preheating. I settle them down and Mr. Potato Head shows up in his skuzzy eye-filled jacket saying he won’t do nudity.

Then Chuck Roast comes up and says, “I just can’t work with vegetables.”
“Chuckie, sweetie,” I say, “even Jim Carrey works with vegetables.”

So you think I care that the potluck critics will name The Big Stew the “Picture most likely to give you botulism.” You want my opinion—I’ll be lucky to get the damn thing in the can.

That’s why for my next picture, I’m going to do a nice restful omelet. A little Civil War item called Gone with the Egg Whites. With Scalett O’Regano and Rhett Butter—consider the source here—but I think were really gonna cook.

Bye for now
Kiss kiss

P.S. I Love You: Part 2

(In our last episode, I was trapped in the home of an ancient stranger who had just announced she would soon be dead of brain cancer. My mother had dragged me to the dying lady’s home during my vacation to Palm Springs in order to charm the woman out of an antique Danish plate. As I sat on the slip-covered settee, imagining my own long, painful death, I spotted what I assumed was a mirage: a group of bikini-clad lesbians gathering at the retirement home’s swimming pool.) Read the rest of this entry »

Trolín

Ms. Behavior© Mum’s the Word

Dear Ms. Behavior:

My boyfriend and I own a modest little guesthouse that people often use for spiritual retreats. We are thinking of buying another small inn from acquaintances of ours.

Currently, the inn, which attracts a lot of gay travelers, is reputed to have a sauna that’s used for sex. We plan to change the name of the establishment, and to convert the sex sauna into a meditation room. We don’t want the purchase of a place that’s known to be raunchy to taint our current business.

How can we ask the owners of the inn to be discreet without insulting them?

I want to ask for a binding confidentiality clause in the contract, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to risk insulting them and/or giving them a reason to back out of the sale.

How should we handle it?

—Mum’s the Word

Dear Mum’s the Word:

Tell the owners that you need the details of the purchase to be private. Once they’ve agreed to honor your request, you can include it in the written contract.

They don’t need to know that you’re homophobic or frightened of semen, or that the thought of frottage makes your hair stand on end.

That can be your dirty little secret, as long as you don’t say anything judgmental like: “I don’t want to be associated with your filthy butt-flavored sauna.”

Just state the terms you need—i.e., confidentiality—as you would in any business transaction. Then, as soon as you take ownership, you’re free to change the name of the inn, and scrub the tainted “meditation room” to your heart’s delight.


Dear Ms. Behavior:

I’ve been getting Thai massages for years. It’s always at home, in my bedroom, on mats, wearing loose clothing, with the same massage professional named Iris (made-up name). Nothing ever has happened other than a very good stretch of my body.

I realize that it can look a little suggestive when someone lies on top of you, lifts your legs over your head, and presses on every part of your body, but it is an ancient Eastern art form.

I wouldn’t give it up for anyone or anything. It would be like asking a depressive to go off her antidepressants. I’m sure you can tell where this is going.

Recently, I got in a serious relationship with another woman, Gina (also a made-up name). She’s fantastic, and she practically has moved in to my home. We are very happy, save for one item: Gina wants me to give up Iris.

I have explained and explained and explained how good Thai massage is for my mind, body, and soul, but Gina won’t hear of it. I’m thinking of telling her I’ve quit, but meeting Iris at her place instead.

Honestly, nothing illicit is going on, so why do I feel so bad?

—Stretch


Dear Stretch:

You feel bad because you want to deceive your girlfriend, rather than give up your massage, and you’re not quite sure that that’s a fair decision.

If you feel so committed to your Thai Massage, you need to stand up to Gina. Do so rather than lying to her about it, and then sneaking off to do it in secret.

You’re at an important point in your relationship with Gina, who apparently practically lives with you. You have the opportunity to face this conflict head-on, rather than skirt around it, only to have it come up in another way, like a pop-up weasel in a carnival.

If Gina is jealous over your Thai massage, she also may be jealous over your friendships with coworkers, or your Wednesday night belly-dancing lessons.

Your ability to be truthful, even in the face of Gina’s negative feelings, will be a model for how you handle other situations that come up. If you think that lying is a worthwhile shortcut to avoid conflict, you’ll be shortchanging yourself, your relationship, and Gina.

So, how can you convince Gina that the Thai massage is OK?

Start by buying her one as a gift. Perhaps trying it herself will persuade her that nothing funny is going on. Or, invite her to hang out and watch when you get your next massage.

Please remember not to moan in a way that sounds sexy, even if it feels really good.

© 2010 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence to [email protected] She is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

Latitudes

With several cable television stations pushing private interventions and addiction treatment facilities as “reality entertainment,” Steve Branco, Program Director of Latitudes, is able to give a much-needed “reality check” on addiction.

Branco says, “I think for most people who start out using chemicals, their intention is not to lead to addiction. The intention is to relieve some pain, or it feels good, or it’s fun. And then, people end up getting to this point of no return where it’s no longer fun. I think one of the hardest steps is realizing it’s gone too far, and they’re at a point where they can’t do this on their own.” Read the rest of this entry »

Horn Please You Are in India

It’s 3 AM and 107 degrees, as we arrive in Delhi, yet construction crews are busy, kebab stands are doing a brisk business, and pious pilgrims are lining up at Hindu sites. Smog bites our eyes. Our ears are assailed by a cacophony of car horns, as we pass sidewalk dwellers huddled under cardboard outside our fancy, marble-clad hotel. A doorman in a complicated turban presses palms together, and intones “Namaste.” Read the rest of this entry »

Kindee

Serves Superlative Authentic Thai Cuisine

More than one legend surrounds the Thai “Son-in-Law Egg,”  but I will do my best to recount the version I prefer. Long ago, while a young man’s wife was out, her mother stopped by for an unexpected visit. Hoping to impress her, the anxious but unskilled son-in-law threw together a random, kitchen-sink type of dish made from very simple ingredients: hard-boiled eggs, tamarind sauce, and fried onions. To his surprise, the dish was a smash hit, and a culinary legend was born. Read the rest of this entry »

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