“When I was younger,” says one middle-aged man, “I used the ‘Want a back rub?’ ploy as a way to get into ostensibly straight men’s pants. It worked then. And you know what? It still does.” Is that sort of rubbing unprincipled? Not at all, our masseur asserts. “It’s not about doing something against a guy’s will,” he says. “It’s just a matter of getting him to loosen up.”
And it’s not just het-identified fellows who can be persuaded by a bit of bodywork. Says an online cruiser, “Sometimes when I make dates on the Internet, especially with less-experienced men, there’s a bit of nervousness when the guy shows up. Often, just a simple, relaxing backrub will do the trick.”
Erotic massages blur the line between “sensual” and “sexual.” A soft but firm, caring touch can be horny-making as hell, even if it gets nowhere near the Good Parts. Our online cruiser continues, “It’s really all about making a man feel good—which is the aim of sex, too, right? Only instead of just going straight for his crotch, I’ll get his whole body involved.”
Sensual massage, with or without “full release,” is a standard offering of sex workers, but even the financially challenged can often get stroked for free. One low-income lay-seeker says, “There are plenty of men out there who offer no-cost massages—I find them through website ads. After a hard day, it’s great to lie back and have someone take care of my body. And if I get an erection…well, Mr. Masseur is only too happy to take care of that.”
So, why would a fellow offer a free massage, particularly when the touching is nonreciprocal? Our middle-aged massager explains, “For me, it’s a pretty stress-free situation. I don’t have to worry about staying hard. Though I’m not unattractive, offering massages enables me to make contact with men who might otherwise not want to have sex with me. And though it might seem like I’m being submissive to another man’s pleasure, let’s face it—there’s real power in having a guy come in, take his clothes off, lie down, and let me touch him all over.”
Would you like to be a body-rubber, too? Bone up. Not all massages are created equal; there’s good technique and not so good, and it helps to know what you’re doing. There are massage classes out there, and if nothing else, getting some advice from a good book will help. While a massage table isn’t a prerequisite, there should at least be a comfy mattress on hand. There’s no need to buy special massage oils and lotions, nice as they are, since gently heated olive oil or baby oil adds a touch of lascivious luxury. And though using oil can get messy, using a plastic pad or the like helps keep things stain free.
Negotiate clearly before the clothes come off. If a scene is supposed to be nonsexual, keep it that way. If you’ve promised an orgasm, you owe it to your subject to do your best to get him off. If sexual contact is possible but not assured, though, you might start off with a deep backrub, move down to stroke the butt, massage the inner thighs, work your way to the perineum, maybe play with the guy’s sac, then reach under to see whether…well, you get the idea.
If, on the other hand, you’re lucky enough to be the guy who’s getting rubbed, then lie back, relax, breathe deeply, and let your masseur go to work. Keep your limits in mind, of course, but let your body do the talking. Be appreciative and gracious, even if the guy’s not the greatest. You can always make suggestions like “A little harder, please.” In most cases, feel free to touch back, but keep in mind that some men prefer nonreciprocal scenes. And should the experience cross the line from stimulation to erection, remember that hard dicks don’t lie.
A good touch can work magic. One straight-identified guy recalls, “I was kinda bored and curious, so I went over to this older man’s place and let him give me a massage. It was amazing—he kept me on the brink of orgasm for what seemed like hours. Yeah, I’m still straight. But I’ve discovered that a man really knows how to touch another man’s body. And yes, I’ve gone over there again.” The guy smiles broadly. “More than once.”
Simon Sheppard is the editor of Homosex: Sixty Years of Gay Erotica, and the author of Sex Parties 101, Kinkorama, and In Deep: Erotic Stories, and can be reached at SexTalk@qsyndicate.com. Visit Simon at www.simonsheppard.com.