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Out in the Stars

By Lavender August 13, 2009

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Horoscope for Aug. 14-27 Venus opposes Pluto, and sends our hearts into orbit. Will you feel the gravitational pull back to earth by the end of the period? Let’s hope so, lest you break off into space, and become just another random, heat-seeking particle.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20)
No sooner do you snuggle on your couch than the phone rings. Any attempt to cocoon results in a continuous stream of interruptions from the job. While you are tempted to ignore the power elite, do so at your own risk. It is better to be flexible, and do what you need to do now. The push-me-pull-you soon will end, and you can let all further requests go to voicemail.

TAURUS (APRIL 21-MAY 21)
The urge to express yourself will be almost overwhelming. But silence is golden—loose lips sink huge battleships now. Hold tight to your emotions, and carefully weigh your words before you anchor your opinion, queer Bull. Speaking your true opinions from your heart can land you on the front page with a very unflattering photo. Hey, which end of the bull is that?

GEMINI (MAY 22-JUNE 21)
Can money buy happiness? It may seem that way this period, but it is all illusion. Pink Twins with common sense can reap a financial windfall if they can keep their attention focused on the bottom line. Of course, nothing is common about you! So, instead of letting your attention wander, focus on stuffing your mattress today, so you can rest easy tomorrow.

CANCER (JUNE 22-JULY 23)
Gay Crabs can be attentive and generous to partners. Now, you demand a little lovey-doviness for yourself. Maybe it all has to start with you. Do something good for yourself that also will have a beneficial effect on the overall relationship. If you still are searching for your dreamboat, you can launch a delightful first impression now. Hide your big missile for later.

LEO (JULY 24-AUGUST 23)
Proud Lions should expend greater-than-average energy into volunteering for a good community cause. Build up the karma points, and spread the benefits on all areas of your life. If you feel like a rat on an ever-speeding treadmill at work, don’t despair. The goddesses have a way of rewarding even the mangiest of well-intentioned rats in a big beautiful way now.

VIRGO (AUGUST 24-SEPTEMBER 23)
If your idea of fun is seeing how many friends you can pack into an already-packed schedule, you will enjoy the period fully as it unfolds. Queer Virgins will not know when enough is enough, and are unable to prioritize. Quietly mull it over the next morning, as you nurse your hangover, and try to figure out where you left your nipple clamp.

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 24-OCTOBER 23)
Proud Libras are at the top of their corporate game this period. But it may have its costs. Although your advancements have a long-term beneficial effect at home, they will bring certain chafing family issues to a head. Obviously, problems can’t be solved overnight, but it can’t hurt to expose them to the light of day. Look at ’em scurry under the rug!

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 24-NOVEMBER 22)
Queer Scorps can benefit greatly from any international travel, or anything unusual and foreign. Find creative applications for all this new stimuli, and apply it to how you do your job. It not only will streamline processes, but also will make you feel more energized and charged-up. Who knows? You even may welcome working later…well, I said may.

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 23-DECEMBER 22)
Gay Archers are not usually the most passionate of folks, but now, you are able to turn up the hot tub to full boil. Do I smell someone cooking? But this hot sexual spike carries with it a cost-of-living increase. All that wining and dining associated with the pursuit of raw desire ultimately can cost more than it’s worth. Ah, but in the meantime, what a way to go!

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 23-JANUARY 20)
Partners have an uncanny way of goading you to take dramatic action this period. Could your dissatisfaction with certain relationships in fact be dissatisfaction with how you feel you are perceived in general? You can run, but you can’t hide, pink Cap. Sit in front of the mirror, and ask who is truly the fairest of them all. Then, go spike an apple, you wicked thing.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 19)
It seems that the harder you work, the more you have to do. Feisty Aqueerians are up to the task, especially when it involves greater good for our community at the end of the rainbow. You must no longer accept living in a closet. Blow the closet door off its hinges. You’ll find it liberating. Remember: You’re beautiful…except when you wear hound’s-tooth polyester.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 20-MARCH 20)
Are you paying wholesale or retail for your jolly times? It all depends upon how much affirmation you receive from social outlets and friendships. This period indicates that no price is too high to pay for true friendship, but you can be cheated if the group of the hour is not playing your tune. I say make your own beautiful music, and see who comes to dance.

© 2009 THE STARRY EYE, LLC. All Rights Reserved. For Entertainment Purposes Only. Lichtenstein’s blog www.thestarryeye.typepad.com covers everything New Age. Her astrology book HerScopes: A Guide to Astrology for Lesbians is the best in tongue-in-cheek astrology.

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