Donna (Meryl Streep) has spent the last 20 years on a Greek isle raising her daughter, Sophie (Amanda Seyfried), alone. But on the eve of Sophie’s wedding, the curious bride wants to know the identity of her long-absent father. Enter three of Donna’s former suitors (Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgard) as wedding guests. But that’s just the anorexically thin plot. The only thing that really matters here is whether it’s fun to watch this particular cast sing and dance to ABBA songs. It’s not. With the exception of Streep, whose exuberance is worth the price of admission all by itself, the cast seems uniformly confused as to what sort of movie they’re in. And Brosnan’s singing could peel paint from walls. Bring earplugs for the moments when Streep’s not belting out a song while bouncing in the air and doing splits.
Kinsey Scale: 3
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Adventurer Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser) and his wife, Evelyn (Maria Bello), having retired from mummy-chasing, find themselves bored on an expansive English estate. Luckily for them, no shortage of cursed mummies is waiting to be awakened—in fact, one happens to get itself discovered by their son (Luke Ford). Tossing in Jet Li as the new Emperor and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Michelle Yeoh as the curse-delivering witch, you’d have reason to expect a fun, Indiana Jones-style adventure. No such luck. This third installment of a franchise never all that exciting to begin with is even more bland and personality-deficient than the two films preceding it. No thrills, no chills, a by-the-numbers script, and subpar computer effects make this a mummy that should have been left sleeping in its tomb.