Issue 408

The Bridge That Ends Halfway

Writer’s Note: This column depicts graphic violence.

Life as I know it began with a suicide.

It was a night in June 1992. I was 6 years old.

I’m in my bedroom playing video games when I hear the screaming begin. It’s my mother, defending herself again from her boyfriend. He’s manically abusive to her. His bouts of rage are unannounced and frequent. The man terrifies me. I often dream of him killing her. Read the rest of this entry »

Passing: Joseph Yankovich 1937-2010

Joseph A. Yankovich, 73, passed away peacefully at his home in Minneapolis in his favorite recliner chair on December 20. He was born July 7, 1937, in Glendale, West Virginia.

Yankovich was prominent in the local gay bar scene for a half-century. He started out at the 19 Bar in Minneapolis in the late 1950s. When the Town House bar in St. Paul went gay in 1969, he was its first manager for several years. Read the rest of this entry »

Best New Restaurants 2010

We finally got the memo. Minnesotans weren’t meant to feast on sweet corn and strawberries in winter. The best restaurants to debut in 2010, by coincidence or perhaps the power of their mantra, were those that marched to the locovorian cadence: Hup, hup. Eat regional and seasonal. Read the rest of this entry »

Scandinavian Sightseeing

Gate announcement flying SAS: “You can put away your passports, but smiles are mandatory.” Ugly Americans, rethink your destination. Everybody else, welcome to Scandinavia. I landed in Copenhagen, and took off from Stockholm a week later. Off-season, the nights were long and the weather cool, yet the welcome couldn’t have been warmer. Only one precaution: Leave that Viking logo sweatshirt at home. Here in the realm of the original Vikings, style rules. It’s a clean, understated, “Wish I looked like that” brand of chic. Read the rest of this entry »

Story of My Life

Before I begin this column, let me state that I am not a movie snob. I am amused fairly easily. In fact, I’m probably the only person on Earth who actually enjoyed The Beverly Hillbillies movie, and genuinely was baffled when Roger Ebert gave it zero stars.

I know that you all think of me as an intellectual and an aesthete.

What other type of person could churn out such sophisticated and thoughtful prose in column form every couple of weeks? Read the rest of this entry »

The Five Only Truly Important Events of 2010

I recently came across a list of the most important events of 2010. After reading all 50 items, it occurred to me that:

1. Another entire year has gone by, and, with the possible exception of taking a sledgehammer to the bathroom scale, I have accomplished absolutely nothing.

2. None of these events should even be on a list, because not one meets what I think we would all agree is the most important requirement of all: Did they even directly involve me?

Therefore we can omit everything from the Lindsay Lohan court cases to the gaping holes in the Metrodome. That leaves us with The Five Only Truly Important Events of 2010: Read the rest of this entry »

Ms. Behavior© Olfactorily Challenged

Dear Ms. Behavior:

I love my girlfriend, but I don’t love the way she smells. Her breath, sweat, and body smell are OK (not great), but I seriously dislike the smell of her…um…lady parts.

I told my two closest friends about this when we first got together, but they encouraged me to go for it, because everything else about her is nearly perfect. Read the rest of this entry »

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