Jennifer Parello Posts

Dateland: Missing The Diaper Years

I once asked a friend who works at the post office why there are so many rage shootings at her organization. She thought about it for a moment and then said, “No matter how hard […]

Dateland: Free Bird

Pet birds hate me. This is a problem I’ve had to deal with my entire life. Any time I visit friends who have a pet bird, the bird begins bouncing manically on its perch and […]

Dateland: Monkey See, Monkey Do

It’s late at night and my spouse is on the phone screaming at her brother about politics while I’m watching a video of a monkey getting a haircut. Because that’s what this country has come […]

Dateland: The Honeymoon Is Over

We clutched hands and gazed intently into each other’s eyes. “I’ve long known your heart, my love,” I said. “And, now, I will know your colon.” And then the orderlies came in and wheeled her […]

Dateland: Step It Up

When I married last year, I became stepmom to two boys, one in middle school and one in high school. At age 50, it’s been a tricky transition venturing from the shallow delights of a […]

Dateland: The “G” Folder

The demand came shortly after we got married, and it chilled me to the core. “You need to cancel your Spotify account and join mine,” she said with casual authority, as if this wasn’t the […]

Dateland: Ghost Story

I was driving home from work when it happened. I remember looking at the sky just before the phone began rattling malevolently in the car cup holder where it had been resting as silent as […]

Dateland: Safe Harbor

Driving home with my dogs in a blizzard a few weeks ago, my car was sideswiped by a semi. As my car spun out of control and crossed all lanes of traffic in a mad […]

Dateland: Pan-demic

Yesterday I was at the zoo with my girlfriend’s tween son, Horace, desperately searching for the otter exhibit. (Note: Horace is not his real name, but it should be. He’s amazingly old-timey. He goes to […]

Dateland: Robot Girlfriend

I always thought it would be great to have a robot girlfriend. Finally, someone who will do what I want, when I want it, and won’t give me any guff. So, when Siri was invented […]

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