Author Archive

I had my annual physical yesterday and was asked the question we all hate to answer: Doctor: How many drinks do you have a week? 0 to 2? 3 to 5? 7 to 10? More? [...]

Yesterday, I received an interesting message on my office voicemail. “Miss Parello, I am calling from the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago. Please return my call immediately.” At first, I thought it might be my [...]

I have acquaintances who are unnaturally proud of their 2-year-old son’s penis. Each time they drop by my house—which, frankly, is far too often for my nervous system to bear—they ask me the same question. [...]

It’s Sunday. My girlfriend and I woke up with the determination to turn over a new leaf! We were going to go to church, help old folks cross the street and feed hungry kids. But [...]

I’ve never had a good Valentine’s Day. I might forgive Valentine’s Day its many disappointments if, in fact, I had a few monumentally disastrous Valentine’s Day stories to dine out on. But every Valentine’s Day [...]

(In our last episode, I traded all my air miles to spend a few nights in one of the most exclusive hotels in New York City. Below are lessons learned about the very rich during [...]

When American Airlines declared bankruptcy in late 2011, I decided to cash in all my air miles and “treat myself.” I’m well aware that this statement makes it seem that “treating myself” is a relatively [...]

I’m writing this in a hospital. My mother and I are waiting for my father to come out of surgery. He needs surgery because he injured himself while chopping down a tree yesterday. My father [...]

I have a terrible confession. Every woman I have ever slept with has been a Republican. Even if they wouldn’t admit it. I always manage to suss it out.  They stare wistfully at protesters at [...]

Hollywood produces many big-budget movies about superheroes. These generally focus on men who have been bitten by radioactive spiders; or deeply misunderstood men with troubled pasts and a taste for vengeance; or male robots who [...]